365-Falling Behind & Catching Up

This past week has been very difficult to find the time to blog. I have been so stressed out that my energy level has been extremely low. I've been going to sleep at 9. That is so early for me and I usually put my baby down around 8:00 so I just need to make the time to blog.

The most interesting things I have learned this past week was having a baby turn 1 is fun, exciting, and sad all at the same time. I let my baby sleep with us the night of his birthday and as he was sleeping my husband and I watched videos of the day he was born. I was of course crying and just soaking in the moment. I know that he's getting bigger and bigger and soon will be talking back to me. And want nothing to do with me. So I made sure to enjoy every second of his birthday.

I'm also in the process of having to be the mean landlord. My renters have been out of contact with me for a while. It sure makes me nervous. I'm not a big fan of change...even though nothing has even changed yet I'm still afraid of it. I just hope that everything works out in a good way.

The next thing I learned but I already kind of knew. That God has a reason for everything. It just takes a while to learn the reasoning behind it. When Scout was born we had to be rushed to get an emergency c-section. He had pushed the umbilical chord out before he was. All this time I have been so disappointed and regretful that I had to be put all the way under and I didn't get a chance to see him born. Well yesterday all that disappointment turned into comfort because I learned why God had my son push out the umbilical chord. I learned that the umbilical chord was not only pushed out but that it was wrapped around his neck. That could have put him in a very bad situation. Who knows what that would have done if I had given birth to him naturally. My disappointment has been replaced with gratitude and love for my Heavenly Father.

The next interesting thing that I learned today actually was that not all states legalize being a surrogate. I guess I never really thought about that and I found it very interesting. I guess it makes sense since there are some jerks out there who would take advatange of people who are desperate to have a baby and charge them out the butt to carry their baby. And who would be able to stop those women from just doing this over and over to make them a fortune? It's so crazy to me that some people just can't do things the right way. Why they have to cheat the system is beyond me. This has kind of discouraged me a little but I know that I might be in a state that allows me to be a surrogate when I'm ready to go through with it. I know it's selfish but I would like some compensation. I want to set up a college fund for my baby and I know that money would be very helpful for him. And to know that I'm helping someone would be so rewarding.

365 New Things-Day 5

My husband and I are trying to have another baby and I have been doing alot of research on the possiblity of delivering the next baby naturally. My first child I had to have an emergency C-Section because he pushed the umblicial chord out before he was and that is potentially a very dangerous situation. So I have done some research on having a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section) and I have learned that it can be a tricky scenario. Most people don't advise it and I have to see if my doctor would be willing to see me with that plan in mind.

Hearing that it has kind of discuraged me. However, there is an option to have what's called a trial of labor where I could go into labor naturally and if there becomes any issue then I would have to have another C-section. Now don't get me wrong I don't think there is anything bad with C-sections. It's just that with my first son I had to be put all the way under so I missed the entire birth. I still haven't gotten over that. It makes me sad at time when I think about it but then I look at him and I'm glad he's here. That moment of giving birth is what I was so anxious and excited for and I feel like I ran the marathon and didn't get to cross the finish line. I would love to have that opportunity to have that experience. I just have to remember though that if it's not meant to be it's not meant to be...I just hope it's meant to be. Now to get pregnant and ask my doctor ;)