Mommy Guilt

I know that it's been forever since I last posted, I recently just had my second child and life has been even more overwhelming than usual.

The past 8 weeks I have been on a hormonal roller coaster as my body is trying to adjust to not being pregnant and my brain is trying to adjust to dealing with 2 kids. Since my life has basically turned into craziness, I have been having major mommy guilt. I know it's a common thing for mothers, especially right after having a baby.  However, I came to a realization this past week, I feel like my eyes have been opened.

I thought my mommy guilt came all from me and my expectations of how good of a job I feel I'm doing as a mother. Little did I know that there are other culprits that feed my guilt. The major culprit that I find in my life is my husband. Now don't get me wrong he is a wonderful husband and father but when he comes home and mentions the house smells or it's not clean that's when I start second guessing myself. I'm sitting there thinking...well, I just vacuumed, swept the floor, took the trash out, etc. but then both kids decided to have big poops, the dogs came inside, and the cat threw up on the floor. Do I really need to go back and do it all over again...NO WAY! I am going to take the time and spend it with my children. I don't know if men truly understand that we really don't just sit on our asses all day or sleep all day. Once I realized that he was feeding my guilt I chose to change my attitude. It's not me that is doing a bad job, I'm choosing to spend some time cleaning but the rest I am going to spend with my children...isn't that why I'm a stay at home mom anyways?  Not to slave over the house but to be there for my children to make sure that they are well taken care of. Once I realized this I look at my dirty dishes and think, "hm, what have I done today to make sure my children feel special or loved" When I come up with the answer I know the dirty dishes are just fine waiting another hour or so before they get put up.

I found the other culprit was other moms...my goodness am I competitive and I like to compare myself to other women.  I know that's bad for me to do since it usually makes me feel pretty lousy about myself but I can't seem to help it. I'm working right now on not comparing myself to others. It was something I practiced while being pregnant. Since not all pregnant women look the same, I knew I couldn't compare myself to a girl who was a size 0 before because that's just not me. Just like I can't compare myself to a working mom, I'm not a working mom and my responsibilities are different than hers. It's a tough challenge because there are some incredible women out there who seem like they truly can do it all.  I know though that I'm doing my best and that my children really don't care if the dishes are dirty. They would rather me play pee a boo or chase them around the living room than spend my day cleaning. I just wish my husband could appreciate that a little more but I know he's not here most of the time so he doesn't get to see the big picture and for that I can't be too upset over. All I can do is try to help him see that my spending time with the children is going to be more memorable than anything.

So for all you moms out there, start rethinking about your expectations and realize that you're doing an amazing job and no one else should ever tell you other wise..of course there are always exceptions to that but that topic can be saved for another day.  In the mean time go give your babies a big hug and kiss and remember to spend a little extra time with them. They grow up too fast.