So the past three days have been a nightmare for me. I don't know what is going on with my child. Recently coming in and patting his back when he wakes up in the middle of the night is not working. I don't see any teeth coming in or a fever. He has a little bit of gas but he farts and he's good to go. So why does he insist on fighting and fighting his tiredness? Why does he have to be so damn stubborn to just stay awake and look at me like, "Come on Mom, rub my back some more." After 2 very long nights I have reached my last nerve. I cannot wake up at 2:00am and stay up catering to him until 4:30 am each night. Just to have him wake up at 7:30!
I know this may all sound selfish and I'm ok with that because I know that for me to be a happy and patient mother I need my rest to deal with a tired and whiny baby. That's another consequence of this whole situation, it not only affects his and my sleep at night but then the next day he is a whiny and a cry baby. Seriously everything makes him cry even if he can't find the right toy or reach something. Instead of trying it's an instant tear fest. Like I stated previous if he wants me to be a patient mother, I need my rest!
So let me back track a little and catch up all up on the efforts that I have put into trying to let my son cry it out, (cio). I started trying to "sleep train" him at the early age of 3 months, but he was so little that it broke my heart. So I stopped and said "ok, at 6 months I'll try again." 6 months roll around and I tried it for about 2 days and just found it to be easier to bounce him in his Amby (his baby bed) until he went to sleep. That was not the best idea but my husband always tells me to do what will create the less stress for me. It doesn't take much to stress me out so I listen because I don't enjoy being stressed. Then at 9 months he out grows his Amby and we transition him to the pack n play. That was a smooth transition and I just sat there on the bed while he went to sleep and if he woke up I would lay him back down, pat his back for a minute and he'd go back to sleep. That seemed to be working great. Then about a month or so ago we moved him into his crib in his own room. This is where I feel like the problem has started. He falls asleep at night with his bottle (which will stop here shortly) and then when he wakes up in the middle of the night he screams and screams. He's old enough now to not want to cuddle or be rocked. He's more like a dog, he goes in circles around his crib until he has found the perfect spot to sleep. One reason he's not sleeping in our bed anymore. The whole getting up when he cries, laying him down, and patting his back just isn't enough anymore.
So despite all the efforts I am finally going to be the "mean mom" and let him cry it out. He needs to get a good nights rest and the only way he'll do that is if he's not so dependant on me. The other upside is I get my nights rest back and that means everyone is happy. So yesterday I finally did it and I stuck with it! For his nap time I saw that he was getting tired so I put him in his crib, laid him down, rubbed his back for a few seconds, and I kissed his forehead. I told him that I was just in the other room and to go to sleep so he can get up and play some more. As soon as I turned my back the crying started. This part for me isn't the hard part because I know that he knows I'm there in the house and he's not alone. I do make noise and clean up and sing a little to help. The hard part for me came next. The hard part is when he wakes up halfway through his nap. I used to pick him up and go lay down with him because he would sleep longer. (Plus I got a nap too) This time I didn't even go in, I just let him cry and cry. In my mind I was thinking that he wakes up and normally someone comes in right away but no one was coming. So was he thinking that we left him there alone? I just sat on the couch crying and my husband got home just in time. He went in checked on him and we both continued to cry. Finally 10 minutes into it he fell back asleep. I wasn't here for his bedtime but my husband said he did great.
The other hard part is letting him cry at night, we have downstairs neighbors that can hear when my little guy is screaming and I hate to think of keeping them up or waking them up. One reason I tried so hard to make it work where he didn't have to stress and cry for so long. Well, Tonight was a rough one. My son woke up at 4:30am and I came in pat his back and nothing so I laid down next to the crib and pretended to sleep. He'd start getting really mad and start screaming louder and louder. Than he'd stop for a little while thinking I would move but I didn't so he'd start again. This whole crying and stopping went on for an hour until he finally gave up and fell back asleep. I hope that it didn't bother my neighbors but I hope they can have a little understanding of my situation and know that this won't last forever. It's just something that has to be done for my sanity. They are about to have a baby in 3 weeks so I'm trying to get him "sleep trained" by then so he won't wake up their baby. I just hope I have enough patience and energy to keep this going. We all need our nights back.
(my son cuddling with his elmo pillow, he's so cute!)
